Of course I can do this, I can do anything :D You just watch.

I`ll STUFF the wires into whats left of the terminal and screw it all together on then bang it on the battery :D

Ha!

AND I won`t even need to call Ben.

Fuck I`m good.

Off I go, on my mission and it WORKED, the battery had spark, it was still flat as fuck, but it was connected.

Ok, lets try a different approach at push starting it, we all agree that if I line it up right, I`ll make it through the clearing of trees and SHOULD start it if I get enough speed up. Ok, kids at the front.....PUSH.

It splutters....it splutters some more.....I`m re dropping the clutch every splutter, pumping the accelerator.... rolling backwards at a now quite fast speed....NEARLY got it....BANG.

A fucken tree. You`ve gotto be kidding me. I rolled into a fucking tree.

We stand around examining the situation we are now faced with.... I start giggling...this is fucked big time. I go back inside and have another coffee.

Allllllrighty, there HAS to be a way around this. If only the tree wasn`t there! I could probably get it started if I could roll back just that WEE BIT further.....It`s only a small tree.....thin trunk.

Fuck it, lets cut the tree down.

Dan grabs a shovel and digs the tree out.....kind of...well, he mutilated the fucken tree, it was horrible, but for a greater good of course, the girls said thankyou to the tree :D we`re all cool.

Trees gone, ok we`ve got ONE MORE try, this is IT, if we don`t get it this time we`re fucked. Dan puts the shovel in the ground to mark the spot that I should have enough speed up for it to kick over, about a metre before the fence separating us from the neighbouring property, he gives me the pep talk, I`m ready to do it. The kids line up at the front of the car, I put my hand on the park brake, pull it off, give the thumbs up and everyone pushes with all their might...... I`m movin backwards pretty fucking quick..... I get to the shovel...drop the clutch...IT STARTS!!!!!!! Fucken YAY!

Everyone`s smiling from ear to ear, Nat`s clapping.....they`re all standing right in front of me, and I`m wondering WHY THE FUCK I`M STILL GOING BACKWARDS AT A CATAPULTING SPEED????????????

Everyones faces go from pure delight, to absolute horror as I, who had the truck in REVERSE with my foot flat on the accelerator drive BACKWARDS STRAIGHT THROUGH OUR NEIGHBOURS FENCE coming to a stop when the wire from the fence would stretch no more, having pulled out four timber posts already, ready to snap....the truck stalls.

WHO THE FUCK PUT THE TRUCK IN REVERSE??????????????

I lost the the fucking plot, I busted out laughing so hard that it still gives me a psychotic eye twitch, dead fucking set.

Everyone comes running over to the truck, pulling tree branches from the roof and looking at the wire my truck was now hostage to.... we all end up crying with laughter.

NOW we need to get the truck out of the fence....we end up getting wire cutters and cutting it out...it`s kinda nice I think, the whole "share the neighbours yard" thing.....

Now lets get the truck OUT of the neighbours paddock....it`s allll downhill from here so give it another push, I`ll get a good speed up....you know the rest.

We got a good speed up, I even had it in first gear this time.....I forgot to turn the key on.

The truck is now in the MIDDLE of the neighbours paddock, at the bottom of a big hill.... When she gets home I`ll go and explain why my truck is in her house paddock and how it got there.

Oh and I rang Ben too....I told him I had good news and not so flash news...

Good news - I broke the battery but I fixed it too!

He says - awesome

Not so flash news - I still can`t start the truck, could you deal with it when you get home pleeeeeease?

He says - "sure baby, don`t let it fuck with you ok."

I say - I won`t, I might mow the lawns. Have a good day ok.

We hung up and here I sit.

How hectic is this shit?! What the fuck IS going on? This shit doesn`t just happen.......

I`ve done something or haven`t done something...

This is sooooo ground hog day..... the never ending fucking saga of this truck!!!!

WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!