Well...whattaya know....life is crazy.

This time last week I was sitting on my front verandah crying, my new truck had broken down, been towed to a mechanic and I`d been told it would cost 5 times what it was worth to be road worthy....when I bought it I was told it was road worthy, they even knocked 200 off the price if I`d do the rego cos they didn`t have time.

I was conned for 2 grand.

I rang them and asked for my money back, they`d spent it.

What could I do?

Hope Karma was as forgiving as I am, for their sake.

I started thinking about the shit that had gone wrong, and it allllll started when I decided to move back into *my* house.

I asked Ben if he`d noticed that, he agreed.

It still didn`t get us our money back and we still didn`t have a car.

I was emotionally and mentally exhausyed, I`d had the f*ck enough of all the shit that`s been landing in my lap, and I wanted to go home.

I asked Ben what he thought, he agreed we should just put the energy out there and see what happened, if we were meant to leave, we`d leave. My cards have been telling me I needed to let go of some kind of mind set, all the shit I`ve been having is material shit, this house is material, so I`m thinkin....I need to let go.

So now.....here I sit..one week later..

I`ve signed my divorce papers, I`ve been paid out by soon to be ex husband, there`s not a stick of furniture left in the house -  I gave every single piece away, I had my car looked at to get fixed to find out it`s a write off, the bodys bent, so I sold it for $600, we sold the "rip off" car to the wreckers for $200 and put the four runner in for a new engine, which Ben is on his way home with now.

And we`re all going home.

Oh and I got my extensions, they look awesome, I`ll post pics soon.

Life is really f*cking crazy don`t you think?

Is some one in love with you? - I reckon so.

Do you know someone named Dan? - Yep.

What colour is your couch? - Blue and white checks.

Ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? - I don`t really know what the ghetto is so I guess not.

What did you do today? - Hung out here and waited IMPATIENTLY for the boys to get home so I can pick my NEW TRUCK UP!!!

How many hours did you sleep for last night? - I had a broken sleep, I slept for 5 hours, got up and read some emails, went back to bed for another 6. That`s like 11 hours :S

Milkshakes or Blizzards? - I don`t like milkshakes and I`m not sure what a Blizzard is.

What jewelry are you wearing? - Black Onyx Stone ring, Black Onyx Butterfly ring (its wings flap!), Black Onyx Triple Goddess ring that was my Nans, Silver bracelet, 2 lip rings.

Do you swear at your parents? - I swear at everyone, I`m shocking for it.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? - Dunno.

Have you ever crawled through a window? - Heaps.

Are you photogenic? - Nope.

What was the last thing you did? - Made a coffee.

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? - I don`t watch TV

Is there a secret you haven't told any of your friends? - I don`t keep secrets, I just choose what I tell to whom.

What time is it? - 2:08pm...I wish the boys would hurry up!

Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle? - Yep.

What are you doing in 2008? - Living.

What were you doing at 12am last night? - sleeping.

Do you think you're approachable? - Depends what mood I`m in.

Regret doing anything in the past weekend? - I don`t "do" regrets.

Are you a partier? - in my own way.

Do you like your name? - yep.

What's your favorite number? - 7

Do you have a Facebook? - I used to.

Do you hate anyone? - Nope.

Are you a good speller? - Yep.

What's your worst habit? - I don`t habitually do anything I consider bad :D

Would you ever give your number out over the internet? - Depends who it was.

What is your favorite color? - Purple.

Do you hate being alone? - Nope.

Has anyone ever broken your heart? - Yep, shattered it into a million pieces.

Last time you went swimming in a pool? - About 3 years.

Last time you were hugged? - ABout an hour ago, my girls attacked me!

Do you miss anyone right now? - Yep.


What do you want right now? - MY NEW TRUCK!!!!

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? - I`m always wanting piercings and tatts.

Do you get along better with boys or girls? - Both.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? - Ben.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? - About 2 hours ago when I saw it was Ben ringing.

What did you dream about last night? - I met someone from here actually, he didn`t like me so he dumped me at at doctors surgery and left me there. He was driving a truck :D

Who was the last person that made you cry, why? - Ben, he was mean to me.

Are you upset with anyone? - Nope.

Have you ever gone to the beach? - Yep, I hate it.

Do you remember your music teacher's name from primary school? - We didn`t do music.

Do you wish you could change someone? - Nope, it`s not my place.

Does a guy want to be with you? - Yep.

Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again? - hahhahaha! No way.

Everythings changed....I moved my furniture around to the opposite way it was, recruited some good energy *blows kisses to everyone who helped*

 I`m pickin up my NEW 100 YEAR OLD TRUCK tonight (still laughing my F*cking head off!!! You just wait!!!), I`ve gotten closer to my friends here, it`s been AGES since I felt the pull of online friendships, and I`m feelin good!

And ya know what, I`m thinking that since everything around me is getting a major overhaul, and I have actual proof that I`M healing, in every way, my knees almost look like knees! I`ll be raising the hems on my skirts in no time!!

I`ve been kickin around the idea of a hair change for a while, I`ve had my hair like it is now for 5 years, that`s a long time for a hair style. (cept when I was "wiggin it")

Most people have hair cuts to make themselves feel better, my hair is like an inch and a half long, so it`s not really the look I`d be going after SO after PROCRASTINATING like an 80 year old for the last week or so, I`ve done it.....

I booked in for hair extensions :D I`m gunna have hair!

I feel a bit silly after my hair rant, which worked out well incidentally with no blood spilt, that I`m making a fuss over hair, BUT my short hair is becoming very high maintainance.

I think it`s cos I`m getting old, the dye doesn`t stay as long as it used to, so I last about 2 weeks before the ole greys start showing through...picture it...grey and pink....makes me think of fluffy stuffed elephants.

I`m getting them in my natural colour, which is a dark brown and a few pink and red streaks...maybe blue as well...and the beauty is if I don`t like em, I can just cut em off!!

The only thing that will make me hesitant in the big chop, is the cost...THATS f*cken crazy.

But they tell me it`s real human hair (how creepy is that) and it sticks in with metal rings or something, supposedly very discreet...nothing my bandana won`t cover for a while anyway, till I get used to it.

I`m excited about my hair :D

See, when I hit 60, I want to be able to put my hair up in a bun with natural gray wisps...I had a teacher when I was a kid, I thought she was THE wisest woman in the world (now I know I was identifying with a Crone figure), and I wanted to be like her when I grew up.

I`ll grow up around 60 I reckon, so if I start growing my hair now, I`ll make it in time :D

Ha! Life is awesome innit!

HAHAHAHA!

We got a new truck! And I`m DYING of laughter!

I SO can`t wait to put up pics!

It`s great!!!

What a f*cking BEAST of a thing it is! It`s funny.

The kids have sworn they won`t be seen dead in it, which is lucky cos I`ve got no intention of carting dead people around in my NEW TRUCK!

F*ck I can`t stop laughing at it, it makes my heart so happy.

It`s like....100 years old....and just a beast of a thing! The seats in the back are sideways and face eachother, it fits NINE people!

I think it`s called a "troup carrier", if it`s not then the boys are just being horrible and making fun of me cos that`s what they said it was.

I`m gunna name it, I just don`t know what yet. It`s a girl though, it`s too tuff to be a boy!

We pick it up on Thursday, I`m so excited :D

I`m decorating it, it`s kind of like a comby but a truck.... there nothing like eachother really are they....it reminds me of a G.I Jane style comby. I`m going to get big decals and stick them to the sides of it, big flower power flowers and peace signs and Pents `n stuff.

Ha! I can`t wait :D

I love my new truck :D

You know what I forgot?

How much I love living.

Really.

Regardless of what`s going on I`m living.

I forgot how Blessed I actually am.

This time last year I was just starting to be able to get out of bed myself and walk with one of those walking frames...verrrry slowly and verrrry painfully, for short amounts of time, the rest of the time I was still confined to bed.

BUT I could wipe my own arse by then :D

My big picture then was to wake up one morning and forget  that I had legs  and to not be in pain anymore..just to wake up and...I dunno ....just wake up.....

To go to the toilet without  the pain that came with the walk  AND be able to pull my own knickers down and up.

To have a bath or a shower, no more sponge baths!

To be able to dress myself AND to wear clothes (I could only wear knickers and singlets).

To bend my arm far enough that I could talk on the phone without someone else holding it for me.

To feed myself without the pain that came with bending my arm to reach my mouth.

To have a cigarette without that same pain.

To hold a cup of coffee.

To be able to hug my kids and for them to be able to hug me without fear of bumping me and hurting me.

To be held when I cried.

The simplest shit seemed so far out of reach, yet right now JUST 12 months later, here I sit, cross legged, reaching for my cigarette and putting down my coffee cup.

That`s some crazy , crazy shit from where I`m sitting.