We are not evil.
We don't harm or seduce people.
We are not dangerous.
We are ordinary people like you.
We have families, jobs, hopes, and dreams.
We are not a cult.
This religion is not a joke.
We are not what you think we are from looking at T.V.
We are real.
We laugh, we cry.
We are serious.
We have a sense of humor.
You don't have to be afraid of us.
We don't want to convert you.
And please don't try to convert us.
Just give us the same right we give you -- to live in peace.
We are much more similar than you think.
~Margot Adler

Woah, woah, double woah.

I don`t even know where to start with this one....fark.

Ok, I have a neighbour right, his names Pete (he likes to light fires. the man is a pyro I swear, I`ve had to call the fire brigade like 6 times since I`ve lived here. He mows his whole acreage on his ride on, collects all the branches that have fallen from the trees, puts them in a huge pile and burns them, but he usually puts the pile at the bottom of a tree, which then catches that tree, hence me calling the fire brigade.)

Other than that, he`s not a bad dude, Beks friends with his daughter (Sally), Dans mates with his son Eddie, they do and did go to school together. I talk to Pete every now and then, wave as I come up the drive or when he`s getting around mowing, I don`t know him that well but if I were in a pickle and needed a jump start for my car or something I know him well enough to shout out for a hand ya know?

His kids don`t live with him, just spend the occasional weekend with him, they haven`t been out since we moved back in here though.

Bare with me, this IS going somewhere......

Ok, so I moved back out here (my house) just before xmas, I saw him a few times, said hi, waved `n shit. In fact the last time I saw him was about 3 weeks ago when Tash and Kyle moved in, he was mowing his property, I waved as usual, he waved back and nodded as he does, which led to me telling Tash and Kyle the latest story on his fire lighting escapades.

That was about 3 WEEKS AGO..... hold that piece of information cos this is where shit starts to get really fucked up.

3 WEEKS AGO PEOPLE I watched this man mow his fucking property, he mowed at the boundary fence which is less than 50 metres from the house, I saw him clearly, I saw his smile, I saw his eyes acknowledge me, I saw him nod and I saw him wave, and I saw the fucking lawnmower he was sitting on whilst doing all of this, and heard it naturally. I used nose spray that day cos the pollens from him cutting the grass drives me sinuses insane, I complained about it for half the night.

Alrighty have I stressed that enough yet? Cos in my head I don`t know if I have and i`m not sure who I`m trying to convince, you or me?

Fuck I think I`m crazy.

Rebekah came home from school YESTERDAY and said Sally (Petes daughter) came back to school today, I asked where she`d been? Bek said everyone thought she`d left the school cos she hadn`t been back since the xmas holidays, but she`d been away cos HER DAD DIED.

I immediately thought she meant Sallys step dad, I asked what happened? Bek said he had a heart attack and died in his sleep. We had a bit of a conversation about how it wouldn`t have happened if it wasn`t meant to etc, talked about how sad Sally must feel and I said next time Sallys at Petes we`ll get her over and cheer her up.

Bek looked at me confused and said "he`s dead mum"

My reaction went something along the lines of "what? Pete? when? what happened?" Spinning out that my neighbour had died and I didn`t even know, I hadn`t even woken for the ambulance or anything, feeling horrible that I hadn`t been over too see his girlfriend to offer my sympathies. I`ve looked at Ben and tash and asked if either of them had seen or heard the ambulance, maybe they didn`t have the sirens on, had anyone noticed anything? How does that happen next door without anyone noticing ya know?

Then Bek said the words that blew my fucken head to pieces

He died 2 weeks before xmas, before we moved back in, that`s why we didn`t know anything.

I said "bullshit, I saw him mowing the other weekend, I waved to him" and asked Bek if she was sure, Bek said Well thats what Sally said. I came inside to Dan and asked him if he knew anything about Pete supposedly being dead? Recognition hits Dans face and he says "yeah! full on hey? I forgot to tell you that! Just before we moved back in here Eddies sign on name on messenger said `rest in peace dad`, so I asked him what was up and he told me."

What the fuck.

I walked back outside and said to Ben, Tash and Kyle " We watched him mow his lawn the other week?" looking at Tash and Kyle, who returned my look blankly. "Remember, he waved to me and I told you about how he lights fires? It was the night I had the bad sinus from it!???????????"

Everyone looks at me with a blank look.

I say calmly "remember the night I had the sinus?"

Everyone nods.

I say even more calmly "that day, remember Pete was mowing his lawn?"

Nobody nods.

I say calmly and clearly, just incase they weren`t hearing me " Tash, that day, I told you and Kyle about Pete lighting his fires, we were sitting right here on the deck, I waved to Pete and then told you about him lighting the fires"

Kyle says "I remember you told us man, but there wasn`t no dude mowing any grass" and looks nervously at Tash.

Ben says "it`s ok baby, come here" like he was making fun of me, and tried to pull me on his lap for a hug.

I fucken stressed at him "I`m telling you I was sitting right fucking here with Tash and Kyle, I waved to the fucking man, he waved back and nodded, it was Pete! I could have offered him a coffee and he`d have heard me he was that close cept for the noise of the mower, and he gave me fucking sinus!"

Then Kyle says "I wondered what you were going on about the mowing for that night, I thought to myself then that you must be trippin or something, no-one mowed any lawns that day, I thought you might have meant it was mowed earlier in the week and was still fucking with you."

My head hurts.

And the great planet is less than 12 hours away from being back in forward motion!!! How happy am I?!

Everyone else in the house has the shits over something or other, but they`re just taking the transition from suppression to expression a bit harder cos they don`t embrace what`s going on in the cosmos. Mortals huh, lol.

I just looked over the list I made when I had my mini melt down the other day, I`m glad I made it cos now I can see exactly where and how Mercury effects me. What seemed like such a big thing is suddenly a "nothing" thing, simply because of communication.

First on my list was

1. People staying with me indefinately - 2 adults, 2 wee kids, 1 on oxygen (12 weeks old), 1 a toddler.

 Ok, that`s Tash and Kyle, they`re kind of friends but kind of not, I don`t know what you`d call them. I met them through a girlfriend and Tash kind of took to me like a mother type figure I guess, she`d call me every now and then for advice, if her and Kyle had a fight she`d call me and come stay for a few days. She`s not a bad chic, I don`t have alot in common with her but I felt drawn to helping her, it`s strange.

Anyway, her eldest son is 1, he has the same birthday as my eldest daughter Bek, her baby is twelve weeks old, he was born premmie and is still on oxygen at home, he has the same birthday as my dad. Tash`s whole initials, including her middle name is the same as my youngest Nats (Tashs name is Natasha). So that`s a bit trippy.

ANYWAY, a few weeks ago she rang me and said that Kyles mum had kicked them out and given them 2 hours to be off the property, which I think is horrible, they have the sick wee baby which is her grandson (I think she`s going through menopause), so I told her they could stay here, which they are. The thing is, I`m not used to having other peoples energy around me, I don`t really interact with many people and when I do, it`s for short amounts of time, so my energy just went haywire, Mercury in retro didn`t help matters, worrying about the wee baby on oxygen was doing my nerves in, re arranging shit so they could have their own space (my house is 3 bedrooms so I had to section off a part of the loungeroom for my girls to use and gave their room to Tash so they`d have some privacy with  the baby `n stuff), and having little kids that cry alot is something I`m not used to either.

Oh and they have a dog, I have 5 cats and the dog kept coming onto the verandah and chasing the cats, then eating their food. I know it was upsetting them cos they stay inside at night and NEVER wee or poo anywhere, but they started pooing in the bathroom, so that was upsetting me. And she doesn`t clean up after herself.

Then Tash wasn`t bathing her kids or even getting the toddler out of his cot most days, stuff like that, which again was doing my head in.

Usually is somethings bothering me I`m the first to say it, but they`d been through so much drama already, I could only imagine how messed up their emotions were, so I let it all slide for a while.

 So today I sat them down and told them what I expected from them cleaning up after themselves, shutting the toilet lid, keeping the dog on the chain unless Kyle was there to supervise it, keeping it off my verandah etc.

I didn`t say anything about how Tash is with the kids, I figure she`s only young (she`s 21), so I`ll just guide her, help her get into a routine and be as supportive as I can.

So that`s that. I know I`ll have days where I still want my space `n stuff, it`s only natural but I`ll go to the circle when I`m  feeling like that.

Dilemma number one solved.......now onto number two

:D

And some more blah on top of that.

Mercury hates me and it`s a Universal plan to drive me insane. This shit is a cosmic fucking joke and I`m so over it.

If I weren`t a good person I`d deal with it how it should be dealt with, fucken quickly and violently. BUT I refuse to react out of anger and miscommunications caused by the great fucking retrograde.

Bring on Monday! Bring back communication and my fucking mind!!!!

I`m TRYING not to lose it, **** I am, but I AM only mortal.

I can`t even get this shit out properly, I`ll skim it, then come back to it later. I`ve gotto get something out.

1. People staying with me indefinately - 2 adults, 2 wee kids, 1 on oxygen (12 weeks old), 1 a toddler.

2. Ben is drinking way too much

3. I feel like everyone is taking my good nature for granted, and disrespecting me

4. I`m being treated like a fucken idiot

5. Myex is being an insultive, nasty pig and I`m trying not to react like a bitch

6. Someone who I thought was my friend has "sold me out", put my kids in danger, then denied the whole thing when I confronted her

7. I`m too old for this shit.

Or better yet just get the **** out of my sign!!

Who`s in THE worst mood in the world today?

That would be me.

Blah,blah,blah,blah, fucking blah.

I`m THE happiest person on the earth, really I am, I fucken smile, I`m friendly, I`m positive.................