As their awareness grew,they laughed for joy; "Isn`t it great that we were conceived, isn`t it great to be alive."
Together the twins explored their worlds, when they found their mothers cord that gave them life with they sang for joy.
How great our mothers love is that she shares her own life with us.
As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each other was changing.
"What does it mean?" one asked
"It means our stay in this world is coming to an end" said the other.
"But I don't want to go," said one "I want to stay here always".
"But we have no choice", said the other, "maybe there is life after birth".
"But how can there be?" responded one. "We will shed our life cord and how can life be possible without it?" "Besides we have evidence that others were here before us, and none of them have returned to tell us there is life after birth".
"No this is the end. Maybe there is no mother after all".
"But there has to be" protested the other. "How else did we get here? How do we remain alive?"
"Have you ever seen our mother?" said one
"Maybe she only lives in our minds."
"Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good".
"Maybe she only lives in our minds".
So the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear.
Finally the moment of birth arrived.
When the twins passed from their world they opened their eyes and cried for joy- for what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams.
I`ve gotto say it takes a fair bit to spook me, alot actually, a real lot. I`ve spoken with Spirits, I`ve seen ONE, and am not in a hurry to see another, I communicate with my Spirit guides, I have 2 that I regularly get messages from, I feel "other" energies, communicate through my Grandmothers Ouija board which was passed down to me, I`ve seen inanimate objects move on their own accord, alot of stuff that over the years made me alot stronger when it comes to being faced with being spooked I guess, you kind of get worked up to it or something,
That`s my philosophy anyway....BUT onto whats going on here at the moment.
First a background on my house. It was built by my first husband and his wife, who is a Witch, she broke up with him, he bought her out and his best friend (who incidentally is my past life twin..long story for another day),moved in with him, she is also a Witch, then I moved in here with them both.
So the house alone has known nothing but Goddess worshipping, Rituals, Spell casting Energy manipulating, you name it, even a Handfasting (mine). When I moved in I had a 3 metre by 3 metre pentagram laid in the back yard in slate, (it`s gorgeous, I`ll post pics later). So there`s a pretty intense energy here at times.
On top of this, a few paddocks away (we`re surrounded by about 1000 acres of mountans and hills), there`s a place all 3 of us have used, I still do, as a place of worship. It`s the most amazing natural formation I`ve ever seen. We call it "The Circle". Again the energy there is very full on.
It`s actually a group of trees (I`ll post pics of the circle as well).
One of the trees was hit by lightening some time ago, it split in two and fell in opposite directions, the trees around this lost branches over the years in storms or whatever and fell in place to make a perfect circle, with the split tree becoming a sort of entrance to a fallen tree encased circle. Inside the circle to the left of the "entrance, there`s a tree that stands tall and resembles an Altar, which is what we use it for, it has a hawthorn tree to the other side as well (protection tree of Goddess Rhiannon).
The way its set out is like the split tree is a woman with her legs parted, the entrance taking you into the womb, while the "Altar" tree, standing tall is symbolic of a phallis, which leads to the circle representing the absolute womb of the Gods and Goddesses.
It`s truly amazing.
Ok,so there`s alot of energy around here.
When I first moved back here, about a month ago now, (after being away for 12 months, I wasn`t burnt at this house), I could feel the energies shifting, some recognised me, some didn`t, the front door was a constant procession of opening and shutting as the energies made their way in and out.
I know for sure of one energy here, she befriended my girls when we first ever moved here, her name is Sherbet she told them and she doesn`t want to go away because she has to wait for her sister, Sherbet used to flush her head in the toilet out of frustration of no one paying attention to her, she stopped that and she`s no trouble, just lonely.
I haven`t really felt anything else, except for the last few days, my ouija board has been talking to me, I leave the pointer in the blank space at the bottom, at various times during the day I look at it, sometimes it`s moved, so I pay attention to each move it makes until it either ends up off the board or over "goodbye".
This morning it said "good 4 u".
About 3 days ago it sat on "u" and didn`t move for ages, then went to "yes" yesterday, then back to "u", I noted it and went on my way.
"u yes u"
I was in my room yesterday afternoon making my bed, there was no-one here but me, I always keep the front screen door locked, simply because I hate being scared and if someone ever came in and walked up behind me I`d just fucken die I reckon.
So I was making my bed, the front door opens VERY abruptly. I stopped and listened, then said "well hello, make a noisy entrance" and kept making the bed, meanwhile the front door didn`t close, I started to wonder if it might have been a "mortal" that had come in the door, so I popped my head out, there was no-one there, plus my cats go nuts if someone turns up, they hate all humans except us, it`s weird but anyway, there`s no person there, so I went back into my room, I was thinking to myself, trying to talk to "whoever" just came in the door, then the door slammed so hard I jumped, I came out then and said a little bit sarcastically, "well bye to you too", I looked at my ouija board and the pointer was sitting directly over the "bye" part of goodbye!
That was cool, I think I pissed it off cos I didn`t pay it the attention it wanted, but I couldn`t get through.
So that`s that,......
Last night I found an Eagles feather I `d had for a few years and misplaced, so I was happy I`d been given a gift from the Goddess, I`m an Air sign and the eagle is my power animal, so I ventured off to stick it to the front of my bedroom door, as a protection amulet, but just before I got up I looked at the ceramic eagle with its wings spread ready to take flight, that sits on top of my tv cabinet, I wondered if I should attach the feather to him, but nope, I wanted iton my door, so off I go.
I had to get a thumb tack to put the feather up and some double sided tape to hold it at the top, to stop it drooping, the whole time I was doing this I was thinking "it doesn`t want to go here", but I kept going. Then from behind my bedroom door, the door I was putting the feather on came a scratching sound, I listened and it kept going, I looked behind the door, nothing, then I heard it again, I thought it must be one of the cats gotten into my cupboard, so I opened all the cupboard doors, no cats. I went back to my door to finish the feather, no feather.
It had fallen to the floor facing outward to the loungeroom, so I took it out and put it with the eagle statue, I said to Ben "hows this, they`re even arranging my shit now cheeky things".
I walked by my ouija board again, the pointer was facing "yes".
THEN this morning.....
I woke up in THE best mood I`ve been in since I was 5.
I decided I`d worship ME for the day, so I got up (4am every morning with the boys for work, got rid of the boys by 5 and put a face mask on, (something I very rarely do) but I just felt so good, I wanted my body to feel good too, I took the girls to school with the face mask on mind you! LOL.
I came home, re painted my nails, put my fave music on full belt and went and had a bath, it was yum, absolutely awesome. I relaxed, meditated, pondered, everything.
While I was in there I felt another energy, I said outloud "well hello, you`re back", I felt like it was the same one from yesterday.
I got out of the bath, wrapped myself in my towel and headed of to my room, while I was drying myself I kept feeling something touching my back, I looked at my back in the mirror, nothing on it, it felt like a spider crawling on me, seriously it did. I brushed myself over to make sure, then kept drying myself.
I leant down to pick my pants up and I was brushed across the shoulders, I said outloud "look it`s cool that you`re here, we`ll talk if you like but you need to stop touching me", and pulled on my pants.
Right now even righting this Im getting fucken spooked again, this is crazy. I have to mention now too, that if you haven`t seen my picture, I have pink hair, short pink hair. Ben has midlength brown hair, Dans is brown but at the moment its shaved, Nats is blonde and Rebekahs is black.
Fuck this is creeping me out to write, the skin on my back feels like it`s shrinking. Like goosebumps make you feel.
Ok, so we`ve got hair sorted out. I have SHORT PINK HAIR, I`m THE only person in this house, or that I even know that has pink fucking hair ok. Lets establish that right now.
The brushing against me stopped as soon as I asked it to.
I reached to get my top and got "brushed" again, I said outloud "not cool buddy, really" starting to get annoued, I got my top, I was about to put it on and I SWEAR there was a fucken spider running over my back, least thats what it felt like, so I started brushing myself frantically and dancing around in front of the mirror like an idiot, looking at every possible angle, still feeling it on me.
There was no spider.
I`ve gone back to putting my top on , I saw one of my pink hairs on my arm, maybe that was floating around on my back! So I grab it.
At best it SHOULD have been 2cm long, thats at the longest point.
I picked it off and something brushed against my back again, I ignored it and pulled the hair from my arm, it kept coming. I felt confused at first, the hair started pulling from halfway over my back, the more I pulled, the more my back was "brushed".
THE PINK HAIR I PULLED FROM MY ARM IS 72 CENTIMETRES FUCKING LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
A bit of a background on my beliefs and how I raise my children.
i`m an out and proud Witch, everyone that knows me, knows it, everyone that doesn`t knows anyway, I live in a small place and have been known as the "Mundoolun Witch", which never bothered me or anyone else, those who get to know me, become friends those who don`t aren`t meant to.
Ok, I`ve never professed to be a good person, I try to be a good person, I DO be the person that is called upon in given situations. I have been a terrible person in certain times of my life, but that`s all moulded who I am today.
I`ve seen some bad bad places and know some bad bad things. I also know alot of "bad" people, whom I have the repsect of associate with if I need to. Unfortunately through the life I`ve lived, my kids have been exposed to some pretty horrible situations as well, I can`t change that, but I can do everything in my power to lessen any future badness in their lives if that makes sense.
So on saying that, I don`t believe in the world, I don`t believe in media, and I indulge neither. If something is meant to come into my world, it will find its way. Therefore, we don`t watch commercial television, read nrespapers, listen to the news on the radio or indulge in gossip.
My kids watch movies and read books, I`m extremely particular about what they watch on the tv, they have enough imagery in their heads without adding any more trauma to it. I refuse to allow them to watch horror movies, I`ve seen one or two in my life and I can`t see what favours that kind of imagery in your head can do you, other than give your imagination ammunition when you`re alone or in the dark, and what a horrible thing, not being able to enjoy a quiet dark night alone without worrying about "boogey men" ya know?
In my world there are no wars, no rapes, no babies dying and no statistics. In my world are the people who have been guided to us for whatever reasons, information that we need to know finds its way to us, etc etc.
Everyone who knows me, knows this is how I am. My kids know no different so it doesn`t bother them theyknow when they`re 18 they can watch what they like, in their own space, but by then hopefully they won`t have an interestin anyting but their immediates as well. Alot of people say it`s an ignorant ppoint of view, I don`t care. I`m a compassionate, kind, good person and I don`t want to know about babies being left in waste bins, what good is that doing my mind? It breaks my heart. I have enough pain inside of me to deal with in this life time, I don`t want the pain of something I can`t do anything about. And how disrespectful, they don`t show good people with nice gardens on the news, they don`t want to know you unless you`re admist a tradgedy, for rating and fucking entertainment.
When my brother drowned, the media were sickening. His best friend hadn`t been told the news yet, he answered the phone to the local newspaper who asked how he felt about Kennys death? It totally destroyed him to find out like that. WHY did the rest of the nation need to know what happened to Ken? It was and is a personal family thing, and suddenly people are watching my family fall to pieces as they watch the evening news, discussing it over their dinner.
That`s just wrong.
So yeah, I don`t do television, media in any way shape or form and I won`t have my kids exposed to it. Life`s hard enough without worrying about something thats not only hearsay, but none of their business.
OK. So knowing that, I was with my ex husband for almost 5 years, we`d known eachother for 2 years prior tp that, we were in an online pagan community together, all that stuff right.
We break up for a few reasons, he isn`t my girls dad, but he does love them, so he keeps in touch with them, and has them stay over at his place every now and then.
He got himself a girlfriend and I`m happy for him, I hope it works for him. He`s taken my girls to meet her, they`ve had outings together etc.
Oh and I also don`t let my girls out of my sight, although we live in a small rural area, we`re 40 minutes from the capital city in our state and it`s not the nicest place in the world, there`s still a boys face on the pizza boxes up here, he went missing 3 xmas`s ago, he was waiting near his home to catch the school bus, he also lived less than an hour from us.
I will never put myself in a situation where I have to meet parents of lost kids at a support group, I don`t ever want to be one of those parents who wished they had of givem their kid a lift to school, watched them more carefully in the shopping centre or just plain said no when they wanted to go out.
I never put myself in a position where i have to say "I wish I didn`t do that". Particularly where my kids are concerned.
SO, on the Xtian New Year, Craig (the ex hubby) had my girls for the night, they were staying at his girlfriends cos she has a daughter the same age as Nat.
When they got home they told me about a man in the street that asked them for help, he`d been beaten up quite badly and needed to get out of the neighbourhood, my girls were heartbroken, they cried with this stranger and went inside to tell Craig, Craig told them not to worry about it and to go back outside. The man was still out there, peaking right out. Nat said she grabbed hold of a tree cos she felt sad for him but she was scared she was going to be stolen.
The many problems I have with this are;
1. What the fuck were my kids doing out in the street on NEW YEARS EVE BY THEMSELVES
2. Why on earth would Craig send them back out there?
This guy could have been legitamitely beaten up and was scared, he could have also taken an acid trip or something and was tripping out, he could have just beaten up someone himself and got beaten back and was on the run, he could have broken into a house and killed someone......fuck he could have been anything and Craig not only put my girls in a position to be confronted by that, HE SENT THEM BACK INTO IT!!!!!
So I decide to wait a day or two before I contact Craig, otherwise I`d just have sounded like an irrational idiot, and I needed him to understand the importance of looking after my girls, I was that furious I wanted to beat him with my bare hands.
THEN they also tell me, Craig let them WALK TO THE FUCKING SHOPS BY THEMSELVES! In the middle of suburbia, in the fucken city, on New Years eve, ACROSS A ROAD AND UP A LANEWAY FOR FUCK SAKE.
Angry doesn`t even describe how I felt, but I let it go and calmly but firmly told him if he ever jeopardised my girls like that again, he couldn`t have them again, not ever.
So I get over that hurdle, this weekend just gone he wanted them for the night, I gave the hugest lecture in the world, even threw in a few threats and was happy that it had finally sunk into him.
Ya reckon?
This time my girls come home to tell me that they hadn`t been anywhere alone, hadn`t been left alone because they watched movies most of the night and day they were there, excellent I say, what movies did you look at?
Bare in mind this man KNOWS THE WAY I THINK, he was married to me for 4 fucking years.
Nats favourite movies are care bears and the bratz, Beks are Brats and teen love stories, High School Musical, stuff like that.
This weekend Craig let them watch a movie called THE GRUDGE, I haven`t seen it, I know people who have and I was advised not to cos my mind is g rated when it comes to that shit, so I`m terrified of the movie without even seeing it, and my fucken ten year old tells me about an evil spirit that drowned a little girl in the bath!
FOR FUCK SAKE.
He just raped my daughters mind, she will never get that imagery out of her head, she didn`t ask for it to be put there and now she`s confused cos she didn`t think there were evil spirits out there, as they`ve learnt to be ascended you have to be pure, we cast protection spells against those who aren`t, the spirit in this movie is apparently a little girl and Nat can`t get her head around why a little girl could be evil.
I don`t understand this man really, it`s as if he`s in the running for the worlds greatest fucken idiot competition. I hate calling people names, cos I believe its the actions that warrant the names not the person, but fuck i`m beginnning to doubt it with this mortal really.
I need to calm down before I react, I just don`t know how. He just fucked with my kids heads yaknow?
My kids love the dark, now they`re going to be suspicious of it.
Craig is not only a disrespectful person who went against my wishes, his actions are making him appear to be a complete fuckwit.
I don`t know what I`m going to do yet, but I`m not letting it go lightly, he just wants to hope Karma is in a better mood than I am.
Firstly - JO!!! - I`m sorry I haven`t replied yet, I`m getting there, I recieved your email yesterday, yes the package was registered and insured, I`ll look into it today, I`ll also send you those pics I promised and an email SOON! Hope you`re feeling well honey!!
I wrote this to copy up on the 9th.
The planets are somewhere doing their intellectual thing no doubt, I just got a massive urge to write.
Do you know I can hear what I write? I wonder if you hear when you read?
I wonder if you hear my words when you read them? I wonder if you hear them right? I wonder WHAT you hear?
That`s not questions either, I don`t know what they are. I wonder why I even used question marks?
This is the first time I`ve written since the turning of the Christian New Year, incidentally three months today since Ben came back to me. That makes my heart so happy, I love him so much.
To be able to look into his beautiful eyes every morning when I wake up is like watching a sun rise, the depth and beauty is never lost.
How insane does my love for him drive me? How is it possible to feel this way every waking second? After 4 and a half years I still get the silly feeling every time I think of him.
I love watching him. The way he moves, the way the muscles in his back ripple with every movement, the way his arms flex. He really is easy to look at.
His deep, dark eyes, the way he looks into my Soul with such pure unconditional love. I love the way he loves me.
I love his dimples, how he can look so serious or angry until the dips in his cheeks give him away, I could seriously crawl into them and sleep forever.
I think the planets possibly just had a run in with Venus, Lol.
I love loving him and I love us.
When I came home today, Bambi was here, Abby (her daughter) met me at the gate asking if I knew where "Goatie" was? No idea I told her, I don`t like goats.
What I didn`t tell her was Ben and Dan let it out in the bottom paddock where it could run free and do whatever goats do, opposed to being tied to a tree with a dirty great chain around its neck weighing it down, which was exactly how her parents had left it, hiding it after telling me they`d removed it from the property.
They didn`t give a fuck about the goat, they left it for dead, and now their kid wants her pet goat back, they suddenly care?
Whatever.
That makes me feel really negative. When I got inside, Bambi was on the lounge, all kitted out in black, right down to the nail polish, she`s NEVER dressed like that. That annoys me too. I hate it when people immitate me. She had her labret pierced too.
Zombie.
I don`t want her to do anything remotely close to me to be honest. I just want her to go away. I`m being judgemental I guess, but I don`t want to be associated with someone who blows her dealer for gear.
Not my scene.
I`ve known some hard core junkies in my life, but I`ve never known any of them to exchange sexual favours for gear. Fuck kick it at cash converters if it`s that bad ya know?
Anyway, that action in itself has changed my entire outlook on Bambi, I can`t help that.
I don`t want her energy around me or my kids.
Blah. It`s her thing, I`ll leave it at that.
I`m back in my old house, I`m so happy to be home. I love this place more than anything. Craig offered it to me if I sign the divorce papers and pay half the house payments each week. It`s only because he`s scared I`ll go for a property settlement and he`d have to sell it.
He doesn`t know me at all. I`d never do that.
But now because of his suspicious, utrusting, ugly thoughts, I`m here anyway, forever.
Just more proof that he`s only ever been interested in money and assets. And more proof to me that Karma is jumping all over him.
I don`t care anyway, I`m back in my home and I love it. There`s alot of fixing up to do, it was left a disaster. The pool is three quarters empty with an ominous black sludge living around the edges. The condition of the walls inside the house were enough to have the house condemned in my standards, absolutely covered in filth.
It had Dave, Bambi, her two uncontrollable kids and Craig living here, none of them with an ounce of house pride, it almost made me cry the first time I came back.
I`m getting on top of it though, I`m enjoying it too, I love this place so much so it`s a pleasure to do the work. OMG I can`t wait to get into the gardens!
I can`t believe how tired I am, it`s just eight thirty. Bens asleep on the lounge, I`m not going to wake him up, I hate being woken up once I`ve crashed. He looks comfortable, peaceful and extremely beautiful, his long lashes hiding those beautiful eyes from me, his dimples, dimpling as they do best.
I wonder if he`s dreaming? I wonder what he`s dreaming?
So why oh why am I dwelling in the depths of the motherfuckers????????????
COS MARS IS IN FUCKING RETROGRADE IS WHY!
I don`t like it and I`m not enjoying it. I want the Planets to know that. I don`t think they`re playing fair at all.
The material world for me is great, everything`s happening,flat out as usual (once) I get my shit together, plus I follow the planets and jump when I need to jump, duck when I need to duck ya know? More people should pay attention to that shit, they`d have much more control over the world around them.Silly people.
I move back into MY house in 2 weeks!
My ex husband finally decided if I paid half the house payments, I can take possession! It`s good to see he`s not acting like a four year old anymore, it was only his way of dealing with the pain, throwing tantrums `n spiteful shit, but the adult emerged again and we ended up on the same page, so that`s the main thing.
He rang me last night actually, to tell me he has a girlie. He sounded guilty,awkward and incomfortable talking about it, I couldn`t help giggling, he`s so fucking straight, I love seeing him in a spot.
I know, I`m horrible but he HAS been a great source of amusement to me over the years, if nothing else. I wished him well, said I was happy to hear it, what`s she like? what`s she do? All the appropriate questions, so he`s happy, we`re friends in a way, sort of, well kind of but not really cos I don`t like him.
I can`t help it, I just don`t.
BUT the reason I`m going on about it is, it`s finally over. THAT phase, that life, has had its Death. It`s done it`s job, taught its lessons, guided us to where we are and the Fates are done with it, how amazing.
Completely and finally, it has ended, with the buds of new beginnings starting to blossom.
I love that shit.
I swear way too much.
Nat turned 10 on saturday! Her party was much better than Dans! LMAO!
I`ll get back to all of this later, Ive got so much to do, so much to say and so much to write.
I`ve been up for 2 hours, it`s now 6:18 in the morning, I`m goin for a walk!
